Tuesday, October 15, 2019
Cousre review first line manangement ilm Essay Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 1000 words
Cousre review first line manangement ilm - Essay Example In fact, the initial responses once a change has been announced by a manager are very negative because people are not always willing to change. Most people will fear change because of the fear of the unknown .Most employees imagine that they know nothing about what is about to be introduced and therefore at the back of their minds they imagine that the worst is about to happen. Employees therefore make what they donââ¬â¢t know to being their rationale of reasoning hence resistance comes in (Stark, 2009). While many people acknowledge that change is important, they fear that that new changes will have negative consequences on them and therefore they will create obstacles to prevent change. Another reason why people resist change is that, they have deep rooted fear in their minds and therefore any attempt towards organizational change is met with great resistance. Some people hold on to their past because they feel more secure and it is usually predictable. Other people will resist because they have succeeded in the past and therefore, if change is undertaken, then it is viewed as being unfavorable to them. It is therefore imperative that any manager should understand that any attempts towards an organizational change will be met with resistance and with this understanding a manager may be able to influence their attitudes in a more positive way (Langdon, 2007). A force field analysis refers to a management technique that is used to analyze variables that are involved in making and implementing changes within an organization and eventually it helps in team building and overcoming resistance. It helps to analyze any driving and restraining factors that usually bring about change. Therefore, while implementing a change, one should look at the driving factors such as improving the productivity of the team, competition and the incentives to be given to the team so as to boost their morale. The restraining
Monday, October 14, 2019
An Exploratory Study on Consumer Decision-Making Behavior in Pakistan Essay Example for Free
An Exploratory Study on Consumer Decision-Making Behavior in Pakistan Essay For example, the classical schools of marketing thought relied on the social sciences such as economics, sociology and anthropology and focused on aggregate market behavior. This gave way to the managerial schools of marketing thought in which the focus of attention and understanding shifted to the individual customers while social sciences disciplines continued to dominate marketing thinking. Customer behavior is actually a study of consumer buying behavior. Consumer buying behavior tells about why, how, when and where a consumer wants to purchase a product. It tells about the buyer decision making process. (Janssens, 2006) It enlightens the uniqueness of a single consumer, how he makes decision to satisfy his wants. What references he may use in this process, such as family, friends, reference groups, and society in general. (Archana, 2009) Patrick De Pelsmacker conseders that consumers have to impose products in respect to Psychological behavior and needs which further alienated in Perception, Learning, Attitude, Personality, and Lifestyle. (Patrick J. 2007) Behavior of consumers in different part of Sahiwal city will be analyzed by using questionnaire method. This research will also give insight into Social influences regarding Family, Social class, Reference groups and Culture of consumers. (Brinkmann, 2004) This behavioral study will also enlighten on needs and wants in consumer buying behavior. The results will also show the consumers extent of loyalty, trust and satisfaction in retail brands that have a direct impact on their pur chase decisions. (Constantine, E, ; Rigopoulou) Consumer behavior is an integral part of our daily lives. The psychological and social processes involved in buying and consuming goods and services form the subject matter of this text. The objective positivist approach to studying cause and effect in consumer behavior (as in any other kind of behavior), will be combined with the interpretive emphasis on trying to understand the emotional, non-rational aspects of the process. The environment which the consumer operates in, including the nature of the market place for goods and services, also needs to be considered. Behavior of consumers in different part of Sahiwal city will be analyzed. This research will also give insight into Social influences regarding Family, Social class. This behavioral study will also enlighten on needs and wants in consumer buying behavior. The results will also show the consumers extent of loyalty, trust and satisfaction in retail brands that have a direct impact on their purchase decisions. Data should be collected from the target market and then will be analyzed through SPSS software.
Sunday, October 13, 2019
Antigones Fate Essay -- Character Analysis Sophocles
Sophocles play titled Antigone, embellishes the opposing conflicts between Antigone who stands for the values of family, and Creon who stands for the values of state. Sophocles explores the depths of Antigoneââ¬â¢s morality and the duty based on consequence throughout the play, as well as the practical consequences of Creon who is passionate and close-minded. Although Antigoneââ¬â¢s moral decisions appear to be more logical and favorable than Creonââ¬â¢s, a personal argument would be that both charactersââ¬â¢ decisions in society can be equally justified. In the play, Sophocles examines the nature of Antigone and Creon who have two different views about life, and use those views against one another. Antigone who is depicted as the hero represents the value of family. According to Richard Braun, translator of Sophocles Antigone, Antigoneââ¬â¢s public heroism is domestically motivated: ââ¬Å"never does [Antigone] give a political explanation of her deed; on the contrary, from the start [Antigone] assumes it is her hereditary duty to bury Polynices, and it is from inherited courage that [Antigone] expects to gain the strength required for the taskâ⬠(8). Essentially, it is Antigoneââ¬â¢s strong perception of family values that drive the instinct to disobey Creonââ¬â¢s orders and to willingly challenge the Kingââ¬â¢s authority to dictate her role in society. In addition, Antigone is a strong believer in the divine laws of the gods and that by following those laws the gods will give Antigone an honorable place in the afterlife. In a quote by Antigone to Ismene, ââ¬Å"I will bury him myself. And even if I die in the act, that death will be a gloryâ⬠¦I have longer to please the dead than please the living hereâ⬠(Sophocles, 1468). It is this unyielding belief that pushe... ...es of family becomes disobedient against state laws posed by Creon, the king of Thebes, acknowledging that the deeds are moral and are seen by the gods as honorable. In the case for Creon, the character believed in the laws made by mortals, not the divine gods. Although Creon was the champion of upholding the state law, the tragic ending that occurred left Creon without anything else but the power of the throne. Works Cited Braun Emil Richard. Introduction. ââ¬Å"Sophocles Antigone.â⬠7th ed. New York: Oxford UP, 1974. 8. Print. Peters, Julia. "A Theory Of Tragic Experience According To Hegel." European Journal Of Philosophy 19.1 (2011): 85-106. Academic Search Premier. Web. 9 May 2012. Sophocles. ââ¬Å"Antigone.â⬠The Bedford Introduction to Literature Reading, Thinking, Writing. 9th ed. Boston, MA: Bedford / St. Martins, 2011. 1279-280. Print.
Saturday, October 12, 2019
The Microraptor Fossil Discovery Sheds Light on the Evolution of Flight
The Microraptor Fossil Discovery Sheds Light on the Evolution of Flight A recent discovery in northeastern China might shine new light on the evolution of flight for birds. This has been a highly debated topic for some time, since scientists are uncertain if flight began in trees or on the ground. The recent discovery of the Microraptor gui may provide evidence for either side of this particular heated debate. The Microraptor is a small carnivorous dinosaur that has long feathers attached to the hind limbs, arms and tail. The feathered limbs are thought to be a ââ¬Å"four-wingedâ⬠gliding characteristic of the Microraptor. Given that the feathers were used for gliding instead of flying, this supports the theory that flight began in the trees and not on land. If so, this finding will be seen as a very important stage in the evolution of flight for a bird. The Microraptor fossil was discovered in the lakebeds of Liaoning, China. This finding has been proven to be that of a carnivorous vertebrate, which belongs to the dromaeosaurid species. The dromaeosaurid has long been considered to be a non-avian theropod. This discovery was made by Xu Xing and his colleges who are referred to as the Jehol Group. The Microraptor is a small dinosaur, with a length of only roughly 30.3 inches. It has a long tail and contains approximately 26 vertebrate, which is actually a relatively small number. A characteristic that makes the Microraptor different from other dromaeosaurids is that its sternum is a single flat plate rather than two unfused plates. The Microraptor's trunk length is relatively short, but it nevertheless makes up about 50% of the hind limb length. The Microraptor is considered a Dromaeosauridae because of its siz... ...es in the future. Work Cited ââ¬Å"Amazing New Feathered Dinosaur Found In Chinaâ⬠Dinohunters.com 26 April 2001. 31 March 2004. . Hecht Jeff. ââ¬Å"Micro-raptorâ⬠Newscientist.com 06 December 2000. 31 March 2004. . Padian Kevin. ââ¬Å"Four-winged dinosaurs, bird precursors, or neither?â⬠Bioscience May 2003. 31 March 2004. . Xing Xu, Zhonghe Zhou, Xiaolin Wang, Xuewen Kuang, Fucheng Zhang and Xiangke Du. ââ¬Å"Four-winged dinosaurs from Chinaâ⬠Nature 23 January 2003. 31 March 2004. .
Friday, October 11, 2019
Voyager Interstellar Mission
The Voyager Interstellar Mission is rooted in the Grand Tour ââ¬â an alignment of the outer planets which allowed for a single space probe to visit each of them rapidly.The Voyager spacecraft were constructed to do just that ââ¬â obtain close up views and observations of the outer planets. Together, the two spacecraft brought unprecedented observations of Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and their corresponding satellites and ring systems.Having completed their planetary mission after the visit of Neptune in 1989, the two Voyagers are now continuing their journey out of the Solar System. Instead of fading into obscurity, the Voyagers are still transmitting back observations in its new mission ââ¬â the Voyager Interstellar Mission. Instead of observing planets, the two spacecraft are now giving us our first glimpses into the edges of the solar system.To do this, mission scientists had to use instruments meant for observing planets for observing the environment at the area at the edge of the Solar System. Five distinct and specialized scientific groups are currently engaged on analyzing the data coming from Voyager. Together with Voyager, these groups have expanded our understanding of the outer solar system.Power and funding challenges continue to hound the Voyager mission. Since its launch, Voyager's power source has been continually declining. To cope with the lowered power output, components of Voyager have been shut down one by one which means that some measurements have already been or will be stopped in the near future.The mission ends when the power sources cannot anymore power any single instrument. Some earth bound problems remain however as budget cuts threaten the existence of the mission.Voyager Interstellar Mission ââ¬â Paper ProposalFor this paper, I plan on discussing the Voyager Interstellar Mission.à The proposedà outline is attached below.My interest in the Voyager Interstellar Mission lies in their wonderful history and u nique position. In this sense, the Voyager spacecraft are like ââ¬Å"the little space probes that couldâ⬠.The Voyager spacecraft were initially launched more than thirty years ago to take advantage of a unique arrangement of the outer planets.à This arrangement made The Grand Tour possible, visiting each of the outer planets consecutively within a short amount of time.The spacecraft were originally meant to take closeup observations of the outer planets, observations which were not possible to make from Earth. They were successful in doing this, having sent back pictures of Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune. Their discoveries adding to and refining our knowledge of the outer planets.Having finished their original mission, the two spacecraft continue on their voyage out of the Solar System. With no forces holding them back, the two will continue on their journey indefinitely and will soon be traveling in Interstellar space.The Voyager Interstellar Mission takes advantage o f this fact, exploiting the location of the twin Voyagers to gather data and observations about the edge of the Solar System. If the planetary mission helped to add and refine our knowledge of the outer planets, the interstellar mission is currently helping add and refine our knowledge of the environment and processes at work at the solar system's edge.In line with this, I also plan on discussing current knowledge about the edge of the Solar System. This knowledge will help the reader comprehend the scope of the Voyager Interstellar Mission as well as what the Voyager probes are expected to understand.A discussion of the spacecraft is also needed to understand the mission. The instruments used in the interstellar mission are the same instruments used in observing the outer planets.By understanding these instruments, we get an understanding of the kind of observations that the Voyagers are doing in Interstellar space. We also gain an understanding of the operations that enable the mi ssion to communicate with Earth. Understanding the spacecraft also allows us to understand the main challenge facing the mission ââ¬â the loss in power.Even if the success of the Voyager program has already been established, it still faces some challenges. Due to its age its power generating system has had severe losses in capacity. Because of this several instruments and systems aboard the craft have already been shut down due to the loss in power. Earth bound troubles also hound the craft as budget cuts threaten the existence of the mission.To complete the paper, I plan on giving a few samples of the scientific advances that the Interstellar mission has brought. It is also important to realize the amount of research that the thirty year old Voyagers have enabled. I also point out some researches from Voyager that have helped us in our understanding of the Sun.In this way, I point out that these spacecraft even if they are very far are even giving us new insights to something t hat is quite close to home.Ã
Thursday, October 10, 2019
The Scarlet Letter Creative Assignment Paper
Various Hester Prynne Diary Entries June 14th, 1641 This morning I awake in the prison, waiting for guards to take me to the market place. Pearl and my fate will be decided very soon and I am shaking with anxiety. What will become of us? Will it be that the people see the need of the death punishment? Perhaps they will take dear Pearl away from me! Oh I am trembling with fear. Pearl is sleeping in the corner and she is the most beautiful sight I've seen. Here comes the guardsâ⬠¦ I pray to the father that Pearl and I can live through tonight. Hester PrynneJune 16th, 1641 I have been sentenced to 3 hours on the scaffold while the whole town gawked and spoke gossip about me. I also must wear the mark of the Scarlet Letter upon my breast for the rest of my life. The day of the sentence, I saw Roger in the crowdâ⬠¦ Oh the poor man, what have I done! He visited me yesterday in the prison as well. I was wary that he was going to hurt Pearl or myself. He sure is itching for some reve nge from the father. I didn't disclose who it was but he seemed pretty intent on finding out himself. Oh I pray he never finds out.In the meanwhile, I will be living on the edge of the forest doing various needlework jobs for people in order to keep my head above water. Hester Prynne August 3rd, 1641 Pearl becomes more brilliant each day. Often times I think about her name and how much it means to me. ââ¬Å"Pearlâ⬠, as in bought with a great price ââ¬â my only treasure. With such a sin that I committed, I was given such a lovely child whom I adore with every ounce of my heart. I make sure that I dress Pearl in majestic and ornamented clothing. She radiates love and beauty wherever she is. Once of the first things Pearl really noticed in this world, was the dreaded letter.Why must she be so intrigued by this symbol of pain that I must bear? Hester Prynne March 25th, 1642 Today Pearl and I took a trip to the Governor's Hall. The mansion was furnished so fancy and ornately. C olorful tapestries hung on the walls as well as portraits and armor and mirrors. The governor questioned whether I was capable of raising a child with all that I have done. I told him I would teach Pearl everything I have learned by wearing the Scarlet Letter and that it would be sufficient. When Pearl told them that I plucked her off of a rose-bush, it did not help their consciousness.I pleaded my case over and over and finally Mr. Dimmesdale came to my rescue. I knew he would stick up for me considering the circumstancesâ⬠¦ All that matters is I'm back home tonight with Pearl. Hester Prynne June 7th, 1648 I cannot bear to stand what Roger is doing to Dimmesdale. He is mentally and emotionally destroying the man. Oh the guilt, and sorrow that must plague him. I have escaped this easily. I have been forward about the sin on my part. Whereas he must pretend nothing has ever happened and let it eat away at his consciousness. Oh the poor man. I wish I could do something to help! He ster PrynneJuly 18th, 1648 Dimmesdale is looking worse and worse. I ran into him in the woods today by the brook. We've concluded that we should run away. We could start a new life back in London and wash away all remnants of this life. We could change our names, and I could dispose of this letter. I will start to make plans. I really hope Pearl warms up to him. The girl knows nothing but her mother and the letter. She was mighty apprehensive when I took the letter off today. It's such a shame she finds comfort in that, for it felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulder. She will warm up to him and me, I know it. Hester Prynne
Twilight 12. BALANCING
12. BALANCING ââ¬Å"Billy!â⬠Charlie called as soon as he got out of the car. I turned toward the house, beckoning to Jacob as I ducked under the porch. I heard Charlie greeting them loudly behind me. ââ¬Å"I'm going to pretend I didn't see you behind the wheel, Jake,â⬠he said disapprovingly. ââ¬Å"We get permits early on the rez,â⬠Jacob said while I unlocked the door and flicked on the porch light. ââ¬Å"Sure you do,â⬠Charlie laughed. ââ¬Å"I have to get around somehow.â⬠I recognized Billy's resonant voice easily, despite the years. The sound of it made me feel suddenly younger, a child. I went inside, leaving the door open behind me and turning on lights before I hung up my jacket. Then I stood in the door, watching anxiously as Charlie and Jacob helped Billy out of the car and into his wheelchair. I backed out of the way as the three of them hurried in, shaking off the rain. ââ¬Å"This is a surprise,â⬠Charlie was saying. ââ¬Å"It's been too long,â⬠Billy answered. ââ¬Å"I hope it's not a bad time.â⬠His dark eyes flashed up to me again, their expression unreadable. ââ¬Å"No, it's great. I hope you can stay for the game.â⬠Jacob grinned. ââ¬Å"I think that's the plan ââ¬â our TV broke last week.â⬠Billy made a face at his son. ââ¬Å"And, of course, Jacob was anxious to see Bella again,â⬠he added. Jacob scowled and ducked his head while I fought back a surge of remorse. Maybe I'd been too convincing on the beach. ââ¬Å"Are you hungry?â⬠I asked, turning toward the kitchen. I was eager to escape Billy's searching gaze. ââ¬Å"Naw, we ate just before we came,â⬠Jacob answered. ââ¬Å"How about you, Charlie?â⬠I called over my shoulder as I fled around the corner. ââ¬Å"Sure,â⬠he replied, his voice moving in the direction of the front room and the TV. I could hear Billy's chair follow. The grilled cheese sandwiches were in the frying pan and I was slicing up a tomato when I sensed someone behind me. ââ¬Å"So, how are things?â⬠Jacob asked. ââ¬Å"Pretty good.â⬠I smiled. His enthusiasm was hard to resist. ââ¬Å"How about you? Did you finish your car?â⬠ââ¬Å"No.â⬠He frowned. ââ¬Å"I still need parts. We borrowed that one.â⬠He pointed with his thumb in the direction of the front yard. ââ¬Å"Sorry. I haven't seen anyâ⬠¦ what was it you were looking for?â⬠ââ¬Å"Master cylinder.â⬠He grinned. ââ¬Å"Is something wrong with the truck?â⬠he added suddenly. ââ¬Å"No.â⬠ââ¬Å"Oh. I just wondered because you weren't driving it.â⬠I stared down at the pan, pulling up the edge of a sandwich to check the bottom side. ââ¬Å"I got a ride with a friend.â⬠ââ¬Å"Nice ride.â⬠Jacob's voice was admiring. ââ¬Å"I didn't recognize the driver, though. I thought I knew most of the kids around here.â⬠I nodded noncommittally, keeping my eyes down as I flipped sandwiches. ââ¬Å"My dad seemed to know him from somewhere.â⬠ââ¬Å"Jacob, could you hand me some plates? They're in the cupboard over the sink.â⬠ââ¬Å"Sure.â⬠He got the plates in silence. I hoped he would let it drop now. ââ¬Å"So who was it?â⬠he asked, setting two plates on the counter next to me. I sighed in defeat. ââ¬Å"Edward Cullen.â⬠To my surprise, he laughed. I glanced up at him. He looked a little embarrassed. ââ¬Å"Guess that explains it, then,â⬠he said. ââ¬Å"I wondered why my dad was acting so strange.â⬠ââ¬Å"That's right.â⬠I faked an innocent expression. ââ¬Å"He doesn't like the Cullens.â⬠ââ¬Å"Superstitious old man,â⬠Jacob muttered under his breath. ââ¬Å"You don't think he'd say anything to Charlie?â⬠I couldn't help asking, the words coming out in a low rush. Jacob stared at me for a moment, and I couldn't read the expression in his dark eyes. ââ¬Å"I doubt it,â⬠he finally answered. ââ¬Å"I think Charlie chewed him out pretty good last time. They haven't spoken much since ââ¬â tonight is sort of a reunion, I think. I don't think he'd bring it up again.â⬠ââ¬Å"Oh,â⬠I said, trying to sound indifferent. I stayed in the front room after I carried the food out to Charlie, pretending to watch the game while Jacob chattered at me. I was really listening to the men's conversation, watching for any sign that Billy was about to rat me out, trying to think of ways to stop him if he began. It was a long night. I had a lot of homework that was going undone, but I was afraid to leave Billy alone with Charlie. Finally, the game ended. ââ¬Å"Are you and your friends coming back to the beach soon?â⬠Jacob asked as he pushed his father over the lip of the threshold. ââ¬Å"I'm not sure,â⬠I hedged. ââ¬Å"That was fun, Charlie,â⬠Billy said. ââ¬Å"Come up for the next game,â⬠Charlie encouraged. ââ¬Å"Sure, sure,â⬠Billy said. ââ¬Å"We'll be here. Have a good night.â⬠His eyes shifted to mine, and his smile disappeared. ââ¬Å"You take care, Bella,â⬠he added seriously. ââ¬Å"Thanks,â⬠I muttered, looking away. I headed for the stairs while Charlie waved from the doorway. ââ¬Å"Wait, Bella,â⬠he said. I cringed. Had Billy gotten something in before I'd joined them in the living room? But Charlie was relaxed, still grinning from the unexpected visit. ââ¬Å"I didn't get a chance to talk to you tonight. How was your day?â⬠ââ¬Å"Good.â⬠I hesitated with one foot on the first stair, searching for details I could safely share. ââ¬Å"My badminton team won all four games.â⬠ââ¬Å"Wow, I didn't know you could play badminton.â⬠ââ¬Å"Well, actually I can't, but my partner is really good,â⬠I admitted. ââ¬Å"Who is it?â⬠he asked with token interest. ââ¬Å"Umâ⬠¦ Mike Newton,â⬠I told him reluctantly. ââ¬Å"Oh yeah ââ¬â you said you were friends with the Newton kid.â⬠He perked up. ââ¬Å"Nice family.â⬠He mused for a minute. ââ¬Å"Why didn't you ask him to the dance this weekend?â⬠ââ¬Å"Dad!â⬠I groaned. ââ¬Å"He's kind of dating my friend Jessica. Besides, you know I can't dance.â⬠ââ¬Å"Oh yeah,â⬠he muttered. Then he smiled at me apologetically. ââ¬Å"So I guess it's good you'll be gone Saturdayâ⬠¦ I've made plans to go fishing with the guys from the station. The weather's supposed to be real warm. But if you wanted to put your trip off till someone could go with you, I'd stay home. I know I leave you here alone too much.â⬠ââ¬Å"Dad, you're doing a great job.â⬠I smiled, hoping my relief didn't show. ââ¬Å"I've never minded being alone ââ¬â I'm too much like you.â⬠I winked at him, and he smiled his crinkly-eyed smile. I slept better that night, too tired to dream again. When I woke to the pearl gray morning, my mood was blissful. The tense evening with Billy and Jacob seemed harmless enough now; I decided to forget it completely. I caught myself whistling while I was pulling the front part of my hair back into a barrette, and later again as I skipped down the stairs. Charlie noticed. ââ¬Å"You're cheerful this morning,â⬠he commented over breakfast. I shrugged. ââ¬Å"It's Friday.â⬠I hurried so I would be ready to go the second Charlie left. I had my bag ready, shoes on, teeth brushed, but even though I rushed to the door as soon as I was sure Charlie would be out of sight, Edward was faster. He was waiting in his shiny car, windows down, engine off. I didn't hesitate this time, climbing in the passenger side quickly, the sooner to see his face. He grinned his crooked smile at me, stopping my breath and my heart. I couldn't imagine how an angel could be any more glorious. There was nothing about him that could be improved upon. ââ¬Å"How did you sleep?â⬠he asked. I wondered if he had any idea how appealing his voice was. ââ¬Å"Fine. How was your night?â⬠ââ¬Å"Pleasant.â⬠His smile was amused; I felt like I was missing an inside joke. ââ¬Å"Can I ask what you did?â⬠I asked. ââ¬Å"No.â⬠He grinned. ââ¬Å"Today is still mine.â⬠He wanted to know about people today: more about Ren?à ¦e, her hobbies, what we'd done in our free time together. And then the one grandmother I'd known, my few school friends ââ¬â embarrassing me when he asked about boys I'd dated. I was relieved that I'd never really dated anyone, so that particular conversation couldn't last long. He seemed as surprised as Jessica and Angela by my lack of romantic history. ââ¬Å"So you never met anyone you wanted?â⬠he asked in a serious tone that made me wonder what he was thinking about. I was grudgingly honest. ââ¬Å"Not in Phoenix.â⬠His lips pressed together into a hard line. We were in the cafeteria at this point. The day had sped by in the blur that was rapidly becoming routine. I took advantage of his brief pause to take a bite of my bagel. ââ¬Å"I should have let you drive yourself today,â⬠he announced, apropos of nothing, while I chewed. ââ¬Å"Why?â⬠I demanded. ââ¬Å"I'm leaving with Alice after lunch.â⬠ââ¬Å"Oh.â⬠I blinked, bewildered and disappointed. ââ¬Å"That's okay, it's not that far of a walk.â⬠He frowned at me impatiently. ââ¬Å"I'm not going to make you walk home. We'll go get your truck and leave it here for you.â⬠ââ¬Å"I don't have my key with me,â⬠I sighed. ââ¬Å"I really don't mind walking.â⬠What I minded was losing my time with him. He shook his head. ââ¬Å"Your truck will be here, and the key will be in the ignition ââ¬â unless you're afraid someone might steal it.â⬠He laughed at the thought. ââ¬Å"All right,â⬠I agreed, pursing my lips. I was pretty sure my key was in the pocket of a pair of jeans I wore Wednesday, under a pile of clothes in the laundry room. Even if he broke into my house, or whatever he was planning, he'd never find it. He seemed to feel the challenge in my consent. He smirked, overconfident. ââ¬Å"So where are you going?â⬠I asked as casually as I could manage. ââ¬Å"Hunting,â⬠he answered grimly. ââ¬Å"If I'm going to be alone with you tomorrow, I'm going to take whatever precautions I can.â⬠His face grew moroseâ⬠¦ and pleading. ââ¬Å"You can always cancel, you know.â⬠I looked down, afraid of the persuasive power of his eyes. I refused to be convinced to fear him, no matter how real the danger might be. It doesn't matter, I repeated in my head. ââ¬Å"No,â⬠I whispered, glancing back at his face. ââ¬Å"I can't.â⬠ââ¬Å"Perhaps you're right,â⬠he murmured bleakly. His eyes seemed to darken in color as I watched. I changed the subject. ââ¬Å"What time will I see you tomorrow?â⬠I asked, already depressed by the thought of him leaving now. ââ¬Å"That dependsâ⬠¦ it's a Saturday, don't you want to sleep in?â⬠he offered. ââ¬Å"No,â⬠I answered too fast. He restrained a smile. ââ¬Å"The same time as usual, then,â⬠he decided. ââ¬Å"Will Charlie be there?â⬠ââ¬Å"No, he's fishing tomorrow.â⬠I beamed at the memory of how conveniently things had worked out. His voice turned sharp. ââ¬Å"And if you don't come home, what will he think?â⬠ââ¬Å"I have no idea,â⬠I answered coolly. ââ¬Å"He knows I've been meaning to do the laundry. Maybe he'll think I fell in the washer.â⬠He scowled at me and I scowled back. His anger was much more impressive than mine. ââ¬Å"What are you hunting tonight?â⬠I asked when I was sure I had lost the glowering contest. ââ¬Å"Whatever we find in the park. We aren't going far.â⬠He seemed bemused by my casual reference to his secret realities. ââ¬Å"Why are you going with Alice?â⬠I wondered. ââ¬Å"Alice is the mostâ⬠¦ supportive.â⬠He frowned as he spoke. ââ¬Å"And the others?â⬠I asked timidly. ââ¬Å"What are they?â⬠His brow puckered for a brief moment. ââ¬Å"Incredulous, for the most part.â⬠I peeked quickly behind me at his family. They sat staring off in different directions, exactly the same as the first time I'd seen them. Only now they were four; their beautiful, bronze-haired brother sat across from me, his golden eyes troubled. ââ¬Å"They don't like me,â⬠I guessed. ââ¬Å"That's not it,â⬠he disagreed, but his eyes were too innocent. ââ¬Å"They don't understand why I can't leave you alone.â⬠I grimaced. ââ¬Å"Neither do I, for that matter.â⬠Edward shook his head slowly, rolling his eyes toward the ceiling before he met my gaze again. ââ¬Å"I told you ââ¬â you don't see yourself clearly at all. You're not like anyone I've ever known. You fascinate me.â⬠I glared at him, sure he was teasing now. He smiled as he deciphered my expression. ââ¬Å"Having the advantages I do,â⬠he murmured, touching his forehead discreetly, ââ¬Å"I have a better than average grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But youâ⬠¦ you never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise.â⬠I looked away, my eyes wandering back to his family, embarrassed and dissatisfied. His words made me feel like a science experiment. I wanted to laugh at myself for expecting anything else. ââ¬Å"That part is easy enough to explain,â⬠he continued. I felt his eyes on my face but I couldn't look at him yet, afraid he might read the chagrin in my eyes. ââ¬Å"But there's moreâ⬠¦ and it's not so easy to put into words -ââ¬Å" I was still staring at the Cullens while he spoke. Suddenly Rosalie, his blond and breathtaking sister, turned to look at me. No, not to look ââ¬â to glare, with dark, cold eyes. I wanted to look away, but her gaze held me until Edward broke off mid-sentence and made an angry noise under his breath. It was almost a hiss. Rosalie turned her head, and I was relieved to be free. I looked back at Edward ââ¬â and I knew he could see the confusion and fear that widened my eyes. His face was tight as he explained. ââ¬Å"I'm sorry about that. She's just worried. You seeâ⬠¦ it's dangerous for more than just me if, after spending so much time with you so publiclyâ⬠¦Ã¢â¬ He looked down. ââ¬Å"If?â⬠ââ¬Å"If this endsâ⬠¦ badly.â⬠He dropped his head into his hands, as he had that night in Port Angeles. His anguish was plain; I yearned to comfort him, but I was at a loss to know how. My hand reached toward him involuntarily; quickly, though, I dropped it to the table, fearing that my touch would only make things worse. I realized slowly that his words should frighten me. I waited for that fear to come, but all I could seem to feel was an ache for his pain. And frustration ââ¬â frustration that Rosalie had interrupted whatever he was about to say. I didn't know how to bring it up again. He still had his head in his hands. I tried to speak in a normal voice. ââ¬Å"And you have to leave now?â⬠ââ¬Å"Yes.â⬠He raised his face; it was serious for a moment, and then his mood shifted and he smiled. ââ¬Å"It's probably for the best. We still have fifteen minutes of that wretched movie left to endure in Biology ââ¬â I don't think I could take any more.â⬠I started. Alice ââ¬â her short, inky hair in a halo of spiky disarray around her exquisite, elfin face ââ¬â was suddenly standing behind his shoulder. Her slight frame was willowy, graceful even in absolute stillness. He greeted her without looking away from me. ââ¬Å"Alice.â⬠ââ¬Å"Edward,â⬠she answered, her high soprano voice almost as attractive as his. ââ¬Å"Alice, Bella ââ¬â Bella, Alice,â⬠he introduced us, gesturing casually with his hand, a wry smile on his face. ââ¬Å"Hello, Bella.â⬠Her brilliant obsidian eyes were unreadable, but her smile was friendly. ââ¬Å"It's nice to finally meet you.â⬠Edward flashed a dark look at her. ââ¬Å"Hi, Alice,â⬠I murmured shyly. ââ¬Å"Are you ready?â⬠she asked him. His voice was aloof. ââ¬Å"Nearly. I'll meet you at the car.â⬠She left without another word; her walk was so fluid, so sinuous that I felt a sharp pang of jealousy. ââ¬Å"Should I say ââ¬Ëhave fun,' or is that the wrong sentiment?â⬠I asked, turning back to him. ââ¬Å"No, ââ¬Ëhave fun' works as well as anything.â⬠He grinned. ââ¬Å"Have fun, then.â⬠I worked to sound wholehearted. Of course I didn't fool him. ââ¬Å"I'll try.â⬠He still grinned. ââ¬Å"And you try to be safe, please.â⬠ââ¬Å"Safe in Forks ââ¬â what a challenge.â⬠ââ¬Å"For you it is a challenge.â⬠His jaw hardened. ââ¬Å"Promise.â⬠ââ¬Å"I promise to try to be safe,â⬠I recited. ââ¬Å"I'll do the laundry tonight ââ¬â that ought to be fraught with peril.â⬠ââ¬Å"Don't fall in,â⬠he mocked. ââ¬Å"I'll do my best.â⬠He stood then, and I rose, too. ââ¬Å"I'll see you tomorrow,â⬠I sighed. ââ¬Å"It seems like a long time to you, doesn't it?â⬠he mused. I nodded glumly. ââ¬Å"I'll be there in the morning,â⬠he promised, smiling his crooked smile. He reached across the table to touch my face, lightly brushing along my cheekbone again. Then he turned and walked away. I stared after him until he was gone. I was sorely tempted to ditch the rest of the day, at the very least Gym, but a warning instinct stopped me. I knew that if I disappeared now, Mike and others would assume I was with Edward. And Edward was worried about the time we'd spent together publiclyâ⬠¦ if things went wrong. I refused to dwell on the last thought, concentrating instead on making things safer for him. I intuitively knew ââ¬â and sensed he did, too ââ¬â that tomorrow would be pivotal. Our relationship couldn't continue to balance, as it did, on the point of a knife. We would fall off one edge or the other, depending entirely upon his decision, or his instincts. My decision was made, made before I'd ever consciously chosen, and I was committed to seeing it through. Because there was nothing more terrifying to me, more excruciating, than the thought of turning away from him. It was an impossibility. I went to class, feeling dutiful. I couldn't honestly say what happened in Biology; my mind was too preoccupied with thoughts of tomorrow. In Gym, Mike was speaking to me again; he wished me a good time in Seattle. I carefully explained that I'd canceled my trip, worried about my truck. ââ¬Å"Are you going to the dance with Cullen?â⬠he asked, suddenly sulky. ââ¬Å"No, I'm not going to the dance at all.â⬠ââ¬Å"What are you doing, then?â⬠he asked, too interested. My natural urge was to tell him to butt out. Instead, I lied brightly. ââ¬Å"Laundry, and then I have to study for the Trig test or I'm going to fail.â⬠ââ¬Å"Is Cullen helping you study?â⬠ââ¬Å"Edward,â⬠I emphasized, ââ¬Å"is not going to help me study. He's gone away somewhere for the weekend.â⬠The lies came more naturally than usual, I noted with surprise. ââ¬Å"Oh.â⬠He perked up. ââ¬Å"You know, you could come to the dance with our group anyway ââ¬â that would be cool. We'd all dance with you,â⬠he promised. The mental image of Jessica's face made my tone sharper than necessary. ââ¬Å"I'm not going to the dance, Mike, okay?â⬠ââ¬Å"Fine.â⬠He sulked again. ââ¬Å"I was just offering.â⬠When the school day had finally ended, I walked to the parking lot without enthusiasm. I did not especially want to walk home, but I couldn't see how he would have retrieved my truck. Then again, I was starting to believe that nothing was impossible for him. The latter instinct proved correct ââ¬â my truck sat in the same space he'd parked his Volvo in this morning. I shook my head, incredulous, as I opened the unlocked door and saw the key in the ignition. There was a piece of white paper folded on my seat. I got in and closed the door before I unfolded it. Two words were written in his elegant script. Be safe. The sound of the truck roaring to life frightened me. I laughed at myself. When I got home, the handle of the door was locked, the dead bolt unlocked, just as I'd left it this morning. Inside, I went straight to the laundry room. It looked just the same as I'd left it, too. I dug for my jeans and, after finding them, checked the pockets. Empty. Maybe I'd hung my key up after all, I thought, shaking my head. Following the same instinct that had prompted me to lie to Mike, I called Jessica on the pretense of wishing her luck at the dance. When she offered the same wish for my day with Edward, I told her about the cancellation. She was more disappointed than really necessary for a third-party observer to be. I said goodbye quickly after that. Charlie was absentminded at dinner, worried over something at work, I guessed, or maybe a basketball game, or maybe he was just really enjoying the lasagna ââ¬â it was hard to tell with Charlie. ââ¬Å"You know, Dadâ⬠¦Ã¢â¬ I began, breaking into his reverie. ââ¬Å"What's that, Bell?â⬠ââ¬Å"I think you're right about Seattle. I think I'll wait until Jessica or someone else can go with me.â⬠ââ¬Å"Oh,â⬠he said, surprised. ââ¬Å"Oh, okay. So, do you want me to stay home?â⬠ââ¬Å"No, Dad, don't change your plans. I've got a million things to doâ⬠¦ homework, laundryâ⬠¦ I need to go to the library and the grocery store. I'll be in and out all dayâ⬠¦ you go and have fun.â⬠ââ¬Å"Are you sure?â⬠ââ¬Å"Absolutely, Dad. Besides, the freezer is getting dangerously low on fish ââ¬â we're down to a two, maybe three years' supply.â⬠ââ¬Å"You're sure easy to live with, Bella.â⬠He smiled. ââ¬Å"I could say the same thing about you,â⬠I said, laughing. The sound of my laughter was off, but he didn't seem to notice. I felt so guilty for deceiving him that I almost took Edward's advice and told him where I would be. Almost. After dinner, I folded clothes and moved another load through the dryer. Unfortunately it was the kind of job that only keeps hands busy. My mind definitely had too much free time, and it was getting out of control. I fluctuated between anticipation so intense that it was very nearly pain, and an insidious fear that picked at my resolve. I had to keep reminding myself that I'd made my choice, and I wasn't going back on it. I pulled his note out of my pocket much more often than necessary to absorb the two small words he'd written. He wants me to be safe, I told myself again and again. I would just hold on to the faith that, in the end, that desire would win out over the others. And what was my other choice ââ¬â to cut him out of my life? Intolerable. Besides, since I'd come to Forks, it really seemed like my life was about him. But a tiny voice in the back of my mind worried, wondering if it would hurt very muchâ⬠¦ if it ended badly. I was relieved when it was late enough to be acceptable for bedtime. I knew I was far too stressed to sleep, so I did something I'd never done before. I deliberately took unnecessary cold medicine ââ¬â the kind that knocked me out for a good eight hours. I normally wouldn't condone that type of behavior in myself, but tomorrow would be complicated enough without me being loopy from sleep deprivation on top of everything else. While I waited for the drugs to kick in, I dried my clean hair till it was impeccably straight, and fussed over what I would wear tomorrow. With everything ready for the morning, I finally lay in my bed. I felt hyper; I couldn't stop twitching. I got up and rifled through my shoebox of CDs until I found a collection of Chopin's nocturnes. I put that on very quietly and then lay down again, concentrating on relaxing individual parts of my body. Somewhere in the middle of that exercise, the cold pills took effect, and I gladly sank into unconsciousness. I woke early, having slept soundly and dreamlessly thanks to my gratuitous drug use. Though I was well rested, I slipped right back into the same hectic frenzy from the night before. I dressed in a rush, smoothing my collar against my neck, fidgeting with the tan sweater till it hung right over my jeans. I sneaked a swift look out the window to see that Charlie was already gone. A thin, cottony layer of clouds veiled the sky. They didn't look very lasting. I ate breakfast without tasting the food, hurrying to clean up when I was done. I peeked out the window again, but nothing had changed. I had just finished brushing my teeth and was heading back downstairs when a quiet knock sent my heart thudding against my rib cage. I flew to the door; I had a little trouble with the simple dead bolt, but I yanked the door open at last, and there he was. All the agitation dissolved as soon as I looked at his face, calm taking its place. I breathed a sigh of relief ââ¬â yesterday's fears seemed very foolish with him here. He wasn't smiling at first ââ¬â his face was somber. But then his expression lightened as he looked me over, and he laughed. ââ¬Å"Good morning,â⬠he chuckled. ââ¬Å"What's wrong?â⬠I glanced down to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything important, like shoes, or pants. ââ¬Å"We match.â⬠He laughed again. I realized he had a long, light tan sweater on, with a white collar showing underneath, and blue jeans. I laughed with him, hiding a secret twinge of regret ââ¬â why did he have to look like a runway model when I couldn't? I locked the door behind me while he walked to the truck. He waited by the passenger door with a martyred expression that was easy to understand. ââ¬Å"We made a deal,â⬠I reminded him smugly, climbing into the driver's seat, and reaching over to unlock his door. ââ¬Å"Where to?â⬠I asked. ââ¬Å"Put your seat belt on ââ¬â I'm nervous already.â⬠I gave him a dirty look as I complied. ââ¬Å"Where to?â⬠I repeated with a sigh. ââ¬Å"Take the one-oh-one north,â⬠he ordered. It was surprisingly difficult to concentrate on the road while feeling his gaze on my face. I compensated by driving more carefully than usual through the still-sleeping town. ââ¬Å"Were you planning to make it out of Forks before nightfall?â⬠ââ¬Å"This truck is old enough to be your car's grandfather ââ¬â have some respect,â⬠I retorted. We were soon out of the town limits, despite his negativity. Thick underbrush and green-swathed trunks replaced the lawns and houses. ââ¬Å"Turn right on the one-ten,â⬠he instructed just as I was about to ask. I obeyed silently. ââ¬Å"Now we drive until the pavement ends.â⬠I could hear a smile in his voice, but I was too afraid of driving off the road and proving him right to look over and be sure. ââ¬Å"And what's there, at the pavement's end?â⬠I wondered. ââ¬Å"A trail.â⬠ââ¬Å"We're hiking?â⬠Thank goodness I'd worn tennis shoes. ââ¬Å"Is that a problem?â⬠He sounded as if he'd expected as much. ââ¬Å"No.â⬠I tried to make the lie sound confident. But if he thought my truck was slowâ⬠¦ ââ¬Å"Don't worry, it's only five miles or so, and we're in no hurry.â⬠Five miles. I didn't answer, so that he wouldn't hear my voice crack in panic. Five miles of treacherous roots and loose stones, trying to twist my ankles or otherwise incapacitate me. This was going to be humiliating. We drove in silence for a while as I contemplated the coming horror. ââ¬Å"What are you thinking?â⬠he asked impatiently after a few moments. I lied again. ââ¬Å"Just wondering where we're going.â⬠ââ¬Å"It's a place I like to go when the weather is nice.â⬠We both glanced out the windows at the thinning clouds after he spoke. ââ¬Å"Charlie said it would be warm today.â⬠ââ¬Å"And did you tell Charlie what you were up to?â⬠he asked. ââ¬Å"Nope.â⬠ââ¬Å"But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together?â⬠He seemed cheered by the idea. ââ¬Å"No, I told her you canceled on me ââ¬â which is true.â⬠ââ¬Å"No one knows you're with me?â⬠Angrily, now. ââ¬Å"That dependsâ⬠¦ I assume you told Alice?â⬠ââ¬Å"That's very helpful, Bella,â⬠he snapped. I pretended I didn't hear that. ââ¬Å"Are you so depressed by Forks that it's made you suicidal?â⬠he demanded when I ignored him. ââ¬Å"You said it might cause trouble for youâ⬠¦ us being together publicly,â⬠I reminded him. ââ¬Å"So you're worried about the trouble it might cause me- if you don't come home?â⬠His voice was still angry, and bitingly sarcastic. I nodded, keeping my eyes on the road. He muttered something under his breath, speaking so quickly that I couldn't understand. We were silent for the rest of the drive. I could feel the waves of infuriated disapproval rolling off of him, and I could think of nothing to say. And then the road ended, constricting to a thin foot trail with a small wooden marker. I parked on the narrow shoulder and stepped out, afraid because he was angry with me and I didn't have driving as an excuse not to look at him. It was warm now, warmer than it had been in Forks since the day I'd arrived, almost muggy under the clouds. I pulled off my sweater and knotted it around my waist, glad that I'd worn the light, sleeveless shirt ââ¬â especially if I had five miles of hiking ahead of me. I heard his door slam, and looked over to see that he'd removed his sweater, too. He was facing away from me, into the unbroken forest beside my truck. ââ¬Å"This way,â⬠he said, glancing over his shoulder at me, eyes still annoyed. He started into the dark forest. ââ¬Å"The trail?â⬠Panic was clear in my voice as I hurried around the truck to catch up to him. ââ¬Å"I said there was a trail at the end of the road, not that we were taking it.â⬠ââ¬Å"No trail?â⬠I asked desperately. ââ¬Å"I won't let you get lost.â⬠He turned then, with a mocking smile, and I stifled a gasp. His white shirt was sleeveless, and he wore it unbuttoned, so that the smooth white skin of his throat flowed uninterrupted over the marble contours of his chest, his perfect musculature no longer merely hinted at behind concealing clothes. He was too perfect, I realized with a piercing stab of despair. There was no way this godlike creature could be meant for me. He stared at me, bewildered by my tortured expression. ââ¬Å"Do you want to go home?â⬠he said quietly, a different pain than mine saturating his voice. ââ¬Å"No.â⬠I walked forward till I was close beside him, anxious not to waste one second of whatever time I might have with him. ââ¬Å"What's wrong?â⬠he asked, his voice gentle. ââ¬Å"I'm not a good hiker,â⬠I answered dully. ââ¬Å"You'll have to be very patient.â⬠ââ¬Å"I can be patient ââ¬â if I make a great effort.â⬠He smiled, holding my glance, trying to lift me out of my sudden, unexplained dejection. I tried to smile back, but the smile was unconvincing. He scrutinized my face. ââ¬Å"I'll take you home,â⬠he promised. I couldn't tell if the promise was unconditional, or restricted to an immediate departure. I knew he thought it was fear that upset me, and I was grateful again that I was the one person whose mind he couldn't hear. ââ¬Å"If you want me to hack five miles through the jungle before sundown, you'd better start leading the way,â⬠I said acidly. He frowned at me, struggling to understand my tone and expression. He gave up after a moment and led the way into the forest. It wasn't as hard as I had feared. The way was mostly flat, and he held the damp ferns and webs of moss aside for me. When his straight path took us over fallen trees or boulders, he would help me, lifting me by the elbow, and then releasing me instantly when I was clear. His cold touch on my skin never failed to make my heart thud erratically. Twice, when that happened, I caught a look on his face that made me sure he could somehow hear it. I tried to keep my eyes away from his perfection as much as possible, but I slipped often. Each time, his beauty pierced me through with sadness. For the most part, we walked in silence. Occasionally he would ask a random question that he hadn't gotten to in the past two days of interrogation. He asked about my birthdays, my grade school teachers, my childhood pets ââ¬â and I had to admit that after killing three fish in a row, I'd given up on the whole institution. He laughed at that, louder than I was used to ââ¬â bell-like echoes bouncing back to us from the empty woods. The hike took me most of the morning, but he never showed any sign of impatience. The forest spread out around us in a boundless labyrinth of ancient trees, and I began to be nervous that we would never find our way out again. He was perfectly at ease, comfortable in the green maze, never seeming to feel any doubt about our direction. After several hours, the light that filtered through the canopy transformed, the murky olive tone shifting to a brighter jade. The day had turned sunny, just as he'd foretold. For the first time since we'd entered the woods, I felt a thrill of excitement ââ¬â which quickly turned to impatience. ââ¬Å"Are we there yet?â⬠I teased, pretending to scowl. ââ¬Å"Nearly.â⬠He smiled at the change in my mood. ââ¬Å"Do you see the brightness ahead?â⬠I peered into the thick forest. ââ¬Å"Um, should I?â⬠He smirked. ââ¬Å"Maybe it's a bit soon for your eyes.â⬠ââ¬Å"Time to visit the optometrist,â⬠I muttered. His smirk grew more pronounced. But then, after another hundred yards, I could definitely see a lightening in the trees ahead, a glow that was yellow instead of green. I picked up the pace, my eagerness growing with every step. He let me lead now, following noiselessly. I reached the edge of the pool of light and stepped through the last fringe of ferns into the loveliest place I had ever seen. The meadow was small, perfectly round, and filled with wildflowers ââ¬â violet, yellow, and soft white. Somewhere nearby, I could hear the bubbling music of a stream. The sun was directly overhead, filling the circle with a haze of buttery sunshine. I walked slowly, awestruck, through the soft grass, swaying flowers, and warm, gilded air. I halfway turned, wanting to share this with him, but he wasn't behind me where I thought he'd be. I spun around, searching for him with sudden alarm. Finally I spotted him, still under the dense shade of the canopy at the edge of the hollow, watching me with cautious eyes. Only then did I remember what the beauty of the meadow had driven from my mind ââ¬â the enigma of Edward and the sun, which he'd promised to illustrate for me today. I took a step back toward him, my eyes alight with curiosity. His eyes were wary, reluctant. I smiled encouragingly and beckoned to him with my hand, taking another step back to him. He held up a hand in warning, and I hesitated, rocking back onto my heels. Edward seemed to take a deep breath, and then he stepped out into the bright glow of the midday sun.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)